


Journals and Cycles

by consideritalljoy



Series: Cycles Continue [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Thrawn - Timothy Zahn
Genre: Canon Compliant, Csilla, Fluff, Gen, OC, weirdly philosophical but given my mood right now that makes sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 11:04:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11966055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/consideritalljoy/pseuds/consideritalljoy





	Journals and Cycles

_I don’t know if there was more to Thrawn’s journal than he gave me. I don’t know if what I have includes his first entry. If it does, there’s nothing notable about it. It doesn’t really begin so much as just start; there’s no easing into it. He just started where he was and didn’t look back. That seems like something he’d do. He’d probably liken it to art, and say something like, “Art is a moment of time committed to tangible memory. The eternal can’t ‘begin.’” I like that, anyway. It seems like something he’d say._

_To the Empire, Thrawn was an alien in a galaxy of humans. To the Ascendency, I’m a alien in a galaxy of Chiss. Because of how much time I spent with Thrawn, people seem to think I’m somehow on his level. From what he said before I came here, maybe Thrawn thinks that too in some ways. I’m not sure. I don’t think I can compare, but I’ll do what I can._

_Thrawn obviously saw merit in his journal or he wouldn’t have written it. He doesn’t do things that aren’t beneficial. If he thought journaling beneficial, I’m certainly not one to argue._

“Crahsystor Imperia, what is that you write?” H’sottor Fuoror asked. 

Eli’s head jerked up suddenly. He’d forgotten he’d gone to the visual triangulation room. When battle wasn’t being raged outside it, the small, dark room was really quite good for thought. 

“Not language lessons, as I’m sure you’d like,” he answered congenially. He’d been on the Springhawk for a while now, and H’sottor Fuoror had continued to serve as his aide. Eli was still an outsider, but with the lieutenant, he felt almost at peace. 

“Would you like to be alone?” H’sottor Fuoror asked. “I am sorry to disturb. I see you sometimes come here while off duty as well.” 

“You can stay if you’d like. I’m just beginning a journal entry.” 

“May I ask to what end?” H’sottor Fuoror asked, sitting and looking intently with curious, glowing eyes toward Eli. The Chiss aboard the Springhawk were generally divisible into two groups: those who saw Eli as a lesser being and those who saw him as some kind of savior. The lieutenant was a member of the latter. In fact, Eli was fairly certain H’sottor Fuoror was foremost among his group. 

The reverence H’sottor Fuoror paid Eli was foreign to him, but he was starting to manage it well. Generally, what the lieutenant wanted was any amount of information about Thrawn that Eli was willing to give him. 

“When I was sent to you, Crahsystor Mitth’raw’nuruodo gave me his journal. In it he details many of the principles he taught me over the course of our time together. I was not told his original purpose for the journal, but in like fashion I decided to start one myself. My thought is that one day it will either prove useful to myself or someone else, and in either case, seems worth the doing.” 

_I learned quite a bit from Thrawn. Every day I spend aboard the Springhawk, I realize something else he taught me. It has been my belief that whatever merit people see in me must be rooted solely in the merit they put in his training rather than anything I myself possess._

_Maybe that was wrong. He trained me, but the knowledge is mine now, and I don’t see it the way he does. More importantly, he doesn’t see it the way I do. In his last entry, Thrawn says that friends “grace the universe with skills, viewpoint, and presence.” He gave me his skills as best he could, but the viewpoint and presence can’t be given. They have to be possessed._

_So in the end, I can’t subtract myself from the equation of Thrawn’s thinking. As time passes, those who knew Thrawn will come to realize that because they will see the ways in which we differ._

_When Thrawn asked me to help his people, he showed me two pieces of art and told me to compare them. One was from my world, and one was from his. He asked me for both the differences and the similarities, and then asked what would happen if a painter from one culture painted the landscape of the other._

_I told him then that the result would be a new perspective on the same problem. One both sides could work toward._

“You realize, Crahsystor Imperia, that you would be a much better fit for station here than I.” H’sottor Fuoror said thoughtfully. 

“That may be, but won’t be for a while yet in any case,” Eli answered. “Your reflexes are incredible. It’ll take me a while to match them and in the meantime you’ve certainly proven yourself more than capable.” 

“But sir, you are a crahsystor whereas I am a h’sottor.”

“That doesn’t mean I know everything you do,” Eli told him. 

_He told me then that his history rendered him incapable of the task at hand and that the only solution left was for me to go in his stead. I assumed he meant that he couldn’t go himself because of his ties to the Empire and because of his exile. They seemed the obvious reasons at the time._

_I wonder now if there was more to it than that. Some component I was missing. I’ve acted like I’m merely a stand-in for the person these people really need. I’m not him. I was never intended to be._

_Thrawn wouldn’t have pointed out the art for nothing. The differences were as important as the similarities. All differences, and they’d be incompatible. All similarities, and nothing new is introduced. He emphasized the balance. And how that balance could be manipulated to make something new._

_I’m a combination of everything I’ve learned and everything I’ve been. Thrawn’s influence on my life has been, well, influential. It isn’t everything. He kept repeating that throughout our time together and I’m not sure I ever understood._

_I owe my existence to no one, and I am an entity that has never been seen before and will never be seen again. That’s the condition of sentient life. The warrior seeks the most effective way to use his existence for the betterment of those around him._

_In my case, that meant coming here. Here I am. My path is clear: I must save the Chiss from the evil that seeks to annihilate them._

Eli glanced to H’sottor Fuoror as his fingers flitted over the last keys. 

_And maybe I can pass my accumulated knowledge along while I’m at it._


End file.
